Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.
Retirement is the time in your life when time is no longer money.
I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
When I die, I hope I have enough time to point at a complete stranger and whisper "You did this."
I could be a morning person. If morning started around noon.
When your kids are little you're a superhero. When they're teens you're a super villain. After that, your only power is invisibility.
Comedy is tragedy plus time.
Last time I got caught stealing a calendar I got 12 months.
The only time a woman wishes that she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby.
Why kill time when you can make it work for you?