My girlfriends dad asked me what I do. Apparently, "your daughter" wasn't the right answer.
Masturbation is like procrastination, it's all good and fun until you realize you are only fucking yourself!
What's the difference between a slut and a bitch? A slut will have sex with anyone, a bitch will have sex with anyone but you.
What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
The biggest difference between men and women is what comes to mind when the word 'Facial' is used.
What do women and police cars have in common? They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming.
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy... so I got drunk.
Why do men like masturbation? It's sex with someone they love.
A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.
What is the difference between "ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"? About three inches.