sarcastic quotes page 2

140 char,    160 char,    All length

, 57 character

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.


, 140 character

When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.


, 93 character

My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy... so I got drunk.


, 75 character

I hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious.


, 76 character

Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I'm driving.


, 39 character

My job is secure. No one else wants it.


, 82 character

Why is the day that you do laundry, cook, clean, iron and so on, called a day off?


, 112 character

The difference between "Girlfriend" and "Girl Friend" is that little space in between we call the "Friend Zone".


, 77 character

If Mayans could predict the future, why didn't they predict their extinction?


, 128 character

My son asked me what it's like to be married so I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.

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