I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy... so I got drunk.
I hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious.
Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I'm driving.
My job is secure. No one else wants it.
Why is the day that you do laundry, cook, clean, iron and so on, called a day off?
The difference between "Girlfriend" and "Girl Friend" is that little space in between we call the "Friend Zone".
If Mayans could predict the future, why didn't they predict their extinction?
My son asked me what it's like to be married so I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.