When wearing a bikini,women reveal 90% of their body....men are so polite they only look at the covered parts
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
Strong people don't put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage.
Outvoted 1-1 by my wife again.
Why is there so much blood in my alcohol system?
If you see me smiling it's because I'm thinking of doing something evil or naughty. If you see me laughing it's because I've already done it.
Telling a girl to calm down works about as well as trying to baptize a cat.
Masturbation is like procrastination, it's all good and fun until you realize you are only fucking yourself!
Never break someone's heart because they have only one inside...break their bones because they have 206 of them.