sarcastic quotes page 1

140 char,    160 char,    All length

, 109 character

When wearing a bikini,women reveal 90% of their are so polite they only look at the covered parts


, 117 character

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.


, 124 character

I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.


, 102 character

Strong people don't put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage.


, 30 character

Outvoted 1-1 by my wife again.


, 48 character

Why is there so much blood in my alcohol system?


, 141 character

If you see me smiling it's because I'm thinking of doing something evil or naughty. If you see me laughing it's because I've already done it.


, 75 character

Telling a girl to calm down works about as well as trying to baptize a cat.


, 108 character

Masturbation is like procrastination, it's all good and fun until you realize you are only fucking yourself!


, 112 character

Never break someone's heart because they have only one inside...break their bones because they have 206 of them.

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