Why do Retirees smile all the time? Because they can't hear a word you're saying!
Retirement is the time in your life when time is no longer money.
Money isn't everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.
If the music's too loud you're too old.
Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion?
How can you tell that you're getting old? You go to an antique auction and three people bid on you!
The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is because they have a common "enemy".