I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
I'm emotionally constipated. I haven't given a shit in days.
Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant. Dirty Bastards.
How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony? It's not hard.
Did you hear about the Italian chef with a terminal illness? He pastaway.
What was Forrest Gump's email password? "1forrest1"
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: couldn't concentrate.
How did I escape Iraq? Iran.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened.