You're not fat, you're just... easier to see.
However lonely you feel, you're never alone. There are literally millions of bugs, mites and bacteria living in your house. Goodnight.
Why is the day that you do laundry, cook, clean, iron and so on, called a day off?
Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.
Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.
Dont be afraid to stand for what you believe in, even if that means standing alone.
If you can't beat the record, you can beat up its owner.
Whenever you get mad, just think of a t-rex trying to masturbate.
Tomorrow: The best labor saving device of today.
Tequila is a good drink: you drink it and you feel like a cactus; the only problem is that in the morning the thorns grow inward.