life quotes page 1

140 char,    160 char,    All length

, 123 character

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.


, 107 character

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.


, 91 character

My girlfriends dad asked me what I do. Apparently, "your daughter" wasn't the right answer.


, 102 character

Strong people don't put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage.


, 96 character

I named my hard drive "dat ass" so once a month my computer asks if I want to 'back dat ass up'.


, 45 character

You're not fat, you're just... easier to see.


, 117 character

Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number?


, 83 character

You know you're ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.


, 78 character

I hate when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.


, 72 character

I sometimes watch birds and wonder "If I could fly who would I shit on?"

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