I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
Deja Vu – When you think you're doing something you've done before, it's because God thought it was so funny, he had to rewind it for his friends.
Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?
Prayer: Don't give God instructions -- just report for duty!
Why did God create the orgasm? So women can moan even when they're happy.
I swear to drunk I'm not God, but seriously, stay in drugs, eat school, and don't do vegetables.
Why wasn't Jesus born in the USA? Because God couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
God gave us the brain to work out problems. However, we use it to create more problems.
Why did God put men on the Earth? Becuase a vibrator can't mow the lawn.