dirty quotes page 1

140 char,    160 char,    All length

, 60 character

I'm emotionally constipated. I haven't given a shit in days.


, 105 character

What's worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face? Finding out it was traced.


, 65 character

Why can't blondes count to 70? Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.


, 61 character

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.


, 78 character

The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.


, 75 character

What is the difference between "ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"? About three inches.


, 84 character

How is a woman like a condom? Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.


, 84 character

Life is like toilet paper, you're either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole.


, 127 character

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."


, 73 character

Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?

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