I'm emotionally constipated. I haven't given a shit in days.
What's worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face? Finding out it was traced.
Why can't blondes count to 70? Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.
What is the difference between "ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"? About three inches.
How is a woman like a condom? Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
Life is like toilet paper, you're either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole.
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."
Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?