animal quotes page 1

140 char,    160 char,    All length

, 81 character

She wanted a puppy. But I didn't want a puppy. So we compromised and got a puppy.


, 72 character

I sometimes watch birds and wonder "If I could fly who would I shit on?"


, 138 character

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.


, 58 character

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?


, 82 character

The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.


, 70 character

You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.


, 98 character

What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A mosquito stops sucking when you smack it.


, 101 character

The difference between true love and dinosaurs: We're sure that dinosaurs once existed on this earth.


, 95 character

Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.


, 74 character

What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.

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