She wanted a puppy. But I didn't want a puppy. So we compromised and got a puppy.
I sometimes watch birds and wonder "If I could fly who would I shit on?"
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.
You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A mosquito stops sucking when you smack it.
The difference between true love and dinosaurs: We're sure that dinosaurs once existed on this earth.
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.